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OMG!!!!!! I sat down several hours ago – thinking that I could get some of these thoughts out of my head and share them with someone – anyone – so that I could get some kind of feedback… But blogging is not that easy at all. So I am just going to get it out…

TODAY

I had to send a email to my landlord. I told them that I changed my mind and would like to keep the storage closet, which they are now charging for – what may seem a small fee to most – is not to me. First I think I need to explain a few things just so if anyone is reading this you will have a better understanding of what I am talking about. The apartments I live in have recently changed management companies. The new management company is making a lot of new changes. One being we (the tenants) originally were given a small 4×4 storage closet that came with the apartment – meaning there was no extra fee for the use of this space and now the new management company wants to charge a fee and of course if you don’t pay the fee you don’t get to use the space. I live on a pretty tight budget and I make sure my rent, NSP, car insurance and other bare necessity bills etc. are always paid and are my first priority. The problem is rent goes up every year by at least $40. I also pay for the rental of the garage which is $40 a month in addition to what I have to pay for rent. Two – they are trying to do everything electronically. We had to get online – go to this website and sign up for a “portal” – I don’t even fully understand what that is? The site is not as efficient nor more efficient than the good old process of putting the paper in the mail – having it in writing – a hard copy – something in my hand that I can refer back to if need and file away for future purposes. So I set up the portal – which I needed help with because for one – I don’t have and can no longer afford the internet. Yes I am on the internet now – that is because I was given a phone that provides it to me for free – at the moment – but the problem here is – that will not last forever and it is very hard to type on – see the screen etc… and some of the things you can see and or do from a computer, you can’t see or do on this phone. I also have a family member who allows me to use their internet from time to time – which that does not always seem to work either. But anyways – so I sent the request to keep my storage – mainly because where am I going to put all of the stuff that is in there? I also keep my laundry supplies and needs in there which makes washing clothes a bit easier, considering I have to carry the laundry up and down several flights of stairs – Oh I know you are thinking I’m just bitching and suck it up – hell I would probably be thinking the same thing. But for the most part I am getting older – I have my two year old grandson at my feet most days – dang near all day. I work the grave yard shift part time cleaning and have worked every night for the last 9 month with only 4 days off. I’m stressed out – I was in a fucked up relationship with a several mentally ill and chemically dependent individual who was doing nothing but taking advantage of me – which wore me out – I am depressed as hell – the holidays are coming – my car is a piece of shit – can’t even roll the windows down – I really could go on and I’m sure I will eventually but as I was saying… This new technology and way of doing every fucking thing over the internet – online – electronically is not only stressful – it is scary – not as efficient – not any better than what we had to do to get things done before, but it is also insecure – lacks human interaction – is harder to get your questions answered – difficult to understand etc… Well after I sent the email from my phone I noticed a few new (or what I thought were new) emails that were not there when I first opened the email box. Management had sent 3 emails to me. According to the email the messages where sent over a week ago and one of them was time sensitive – meaning management stated that they needed for me to respond by yesterday to let them know if I plan to resign my lease? Well what the hell I thought I already did that months ago when I got the paper work from the previous management back in Aug.? Which yes I have the paper to prove it and they did an inspection and my apartment was all good – no problems. So what the fuck? I also got a portal and have continued to pay and bring my rental payment to the new management building – which I also have a copy of the receipts of that. So I responded to the new emails I had just literally received – late – which stressed me out even more because I like to and do my best to stay on top of stuff like – the roof over my head and the detrimental need to keep it there. I guess what my real problem is – is that there seems to be no real security in anything anymore and prices, costs and fees are increasing by the second. And this newer way of doing things makes it 10 times harder by leaving more room for error and less room for success – just makes me want to give up. Apartments now a days are charging as much if not more than the mortgage for a house. Some apartments charge for water, sewage and trash, in addition to the rent of the apartment it’s self, the garage, parking and now other storage spaces on top of the yearly rent increases, while other apartment complexes require you to also have renters insurance. They now look at your credit score as well as the required criminal background check. I mean seriously give us a break. I was informed that the new management company also intends to enter my apartment quarterly (4 times a year – every 3 months) to do some sort of inspection? Where the hell is the right to privacy in that – wtf – It is not like I have much to hide but damn… It feels very invading, like they are judging me and the way I live and if I don’t fit their definition of “living” then what? I can barely afford all the bills that come with just renting let alone try to live up to someone else’s living standards. I smoke cigarette which I smoke outside but they want us to be 25ft. away from the building – which I can understand to a certain extent – but what the fuck – I don’t do “street drugs” I don’t even drink anymore and have not for several years. I don’t have a whole lot of friends or family or company over – 75% of the time it is me and my grandson – well and my x when we where together and he was barely here. Anyone that knows me will tell you I will freak out if the apartment is a mess – so I tend to keep it as clean and organized as possible. So sure I believe I would pass the test but what the hell are they looking for or expecting. Most of the people I know – go to work – come home tired – pay their bills and are broke for the most part every month and just want to know they have a safe place to lay their head down at night. Don’t get me wrong I do understand why landlords are making some of these changes for the most part although who really do they think is really going to come live here – when those of us that bust our asses everyday to be here are all homeless – I don’t see that shit is any better for those that make a bit more than me moving in with out ending up with the same frustrations and stress. And people that own there home are going to sell them and move into an apartment when seriously – it isn’t any better – it is actually worse. Sure I have thought of buying a house and I even plan to save up to get one and I am aware of the fact that there are many other costs and fees beyond an apartment that I may have to endure – but at this point I would rather own my own home and have the freedom to move someone else in if I want to or have to – to help relieve and share the burden of bills than to struggle and feel insecure about my housing and all of the new and upcoming changes, expectations, and consistent increases in the cost of renting. I really feel this is so unfair and not right. Not only am I feeling force to do things or live in this new one way is the only way lifestyle but I can also see the damage and disaster it is causing currently and in the future. I mean seriously – when are we going to wake the hell up and truly look at what is going on in this world. I suppose I am just suppose to do what everyone else is doing – fall in line – ask no questions – and just assume all of this is for the overall good? We as a society have been so blinded by the wow’s of the short term – that is cool – this is interesting – I wonder want we could do with this new thing or idea and have failed to pause for a moment to also take a look at the long term effects of technology, laws and regulations – fees, costs and increases. The internet may be cool, interesting, and have some benefits but it lacks safety and security. It seems now a days you have to have a credit or debit card for almost everything. Cost of living goes up (which apartments are a business for profit) while wages and take home income lags behind with no way of catching up. This just sucks. Taxes, insurance – medical, car, renters, life, property, etc… WTF where is the security in any of this?

Ok I’m done – no more bitching about this – for now – I find that I can say a positive for every negative and a negative for every positive – so I believe I am pretty balanced – even if I don’t seem like I am or feel it right now. I also have to say that the negative seems to weigh much more than the positive. Negative things seem easier to come by, lingers or lasts a lot longer and in some ways that makes sense and can be true. Positive things seem to be lighter and I want to believe are more powerful in the sense that it promotes change and growth – new and healthy results – but it is not as easy to obtain or maintain. And both are determined by the receiver, regardless of the senders intent.